Soggy toilet paper sheet repurposed as a mesh romper for bougie chipmunks David Brooks emerged from his seltzer waterbed today to warn us that the Democrats will definitely lose the Presidential election if we don’t remember to be as damp as he is. He is maybe not wrong—perhaps a can of La Croix might have the best chance of beating Trump—but that’s not the point. It’s that the journey to this “truth” is rooted in an aggressively milquetoast spinelessness. It’s a flinch at a punch that hasn’t even been faked.
Also, I probably should share something with you: I didn’t read his column. I mean, I skimmed the first few paragraphs, but each time I tried reading further, I’d bang my head on my keyboard. Not out of frustration—although that works too—but because I kept falling asleep. Finishing that ode to relentless flaccidity was like watching paint fuck, and I don’t know what happened after graf five, but now my forehead is bleeding.
[Featured Image: Screenshot: NY Times]